My tumblr will explain

screamingthesilence:

ALRIGHT LISTEN UP MY LITTLE SHITS

APPARENTLY NOBODY’S HEARD OF PROPER FUCKING ICE CREAM SANDWICHES SO I’M GOING TO SHOW YOU FUCKS HOW TO MAKE ONE

FIRST STRUT YOUR FINE ASS OVER TO YOUR FREEZY BOX AND GRAB YOURSELF SOME OF THAT SWEET WOMAN OF JESUS AUNT JEMIMA’S WAFFLES AND YOUR FAVORITE ICE CREAM. IF YOU DON’T HAVE YOUR FAVORITE ICE CREAM THAN JUST GRAB WHATEVER THE FUCK YOU GOT IN THERE. IF YOU DON’T HAVE ANY DAMN ICE CREAM THEN SHIT MAN YOU’RE OUT OF LUCK.

IF YOU’RE NOT A WHINY PANSY AND YOU THINK YOU CAN HANDLE BEING A HARDCORE MOTHER FUCKER THEN TOSS IN SOME OTHER SHIT YOU LIKE

BUT FOR RIGHT NOW I’M GOING TO FOCUS ON ALL YOU PANSIES WHO WANT YOUR ICE CREAM UNTAINTED BY OTHER SUCCULENT TOPPINGS

RIP INTO THAT BOX OF SWEET AUNTIE’S WAFFLES AND FIRMLY GRASP TWO

NO MORE THAN TWO

JUST DON’T DO IT

YOU ARE NOT YET READY FOR THE COLOSSAL CREAM CLUB SUB  

ONCE YOU HAVE THOSE TWO LITTLE SHITS IN YOUR HAND THROW THEM ACROSS THE ROOM SO THAT THEY LAND PERFECTLY IN YOUR TOASTER

IF YOUR AIM SUCKS ASS JUST PUT THEM IN GENTLY WHILE TRASH TALKING YOUR TOASTER BECAUSE YOU’RE STILL HARDCORE

WHILE YOU’RE WAITING FOR YOUR WAFFLES TO BE AS TOASTY AS YOUR CHOICE ASS RUN OUTSIDE AND SMASH A CAR OR SOMETHING

BY THE TIME YOU WASH THE BLOOD OFF YOUR HANDS THOSE DELICIOUS LITTLE SYRUP DISKS SHOULD BE READY FOR ACTION

TOSS THOSE FUCKERS ON A PLATE AND PILE THE CREAMY GOODNESS ON ONE OF THEM

COVER UP THAT SHIT WITH YOUR OTHER WAFFLE AND WHIP OUT THAT BUTTERFLY BLADE YOU KEEP ON YOUR PERSON AT ALL TIMES BECAUSE THE THUG LIFE CHOSE YOU

STAB THE BASTARD REPEATEDLY UNTIL IT’S PERFECTLY SPLIT DOWN THE MIDDLE BECAUSE YOU’RE A CLASSY MOTHERFUCKER

 

NOW FOR YOU SICK FUCKS THAT THINK YOU CAN HANDLE MORE TOPPINGS YOU’RE GOING TO DO THE SAME SHIT THAT I JUST FUCKING TOLD YOU TO DO BUT BEFORE YOU PILE ON YOUR ICE CREAM YOU WANT TO LATHER YOUR PEANUT BUTTER/ CHOCOLATE SYRUP/ WHATEVER YOU CAN FIND ONTO THE WAFFLE

THEN DUMP OTHER TASTY SHIT ON THERE AS YOU SEE FIT

YOU GET TO FIGURE OUT THAT PART I’M NOT GOING TO HOLD YOUR HAND THROUGH THIS WHOLE PROCESS LITTLE SHITLET

AND AFTER THAT JUST GO BACK UP AND READ THE PANSY INSTRUCTIONS BECAUSE THEY’RE THE SAME THING FROM HERE OUT

CONGRATULATIONS YOU JUST MADE A MOTHERFUCKING ICE CREAM SANDWICH AND YOUR PRIZE IS YOU GET TO GO DEVOUR IT LIKE IT’S THE BEST THING YOU’VE TASTED SINCE YOUR MOTHER’S BREAST MILK BECAUSE IT DAMN SURE IS

 

(via hyrulecastledreaming)

jasmine. we’re getting some cookie dough to share in secret when we go grocery shopping.

(via icyblueroses)

meowmrow:

This is awesome!

(via papaxbear)

(via xxcandycaneexx-deactivated20121)

oooeygooeygoodness:

Unicorn Poop

(yeah yeah laugh all you want, but these are so cute and yummy!)

Ingredients:
1/2 cup butter, softened
1/4 cup shortening
1 cup sugar
2 eggs
1 tsp. vanilla
2 1/2 cups flour
1 tsp. baking powder
1 tsp. salt
Food coloring (I use neon for brighter colors)
disco dust
sparkle gel
star sprinkles
rainbow Dragees (I used sugar pearls)

Directions:
In a mixing bowl, cream butter, shortening, and sugar. Add eggs and vanilla. Slowly add flour, baking powder, and salt. Divide into smaller bowls and add food coloring. Chill for an hour.

Make ropes with each color. Add together to make one large snake. Now twirl into poop shape. (I know, sounds weird lol)

Preheat oven to 400 degrees F. Bake for 8 mins. When you take them out of the oven, immediately press in the sugar pearls. Push them in about half way or they will fall out. Brush a thin layer of the sparkle gell over the entire cookie. Add the stars on top of the gel. Sprinkle disco dust on top!

(via pixibutt)